Monday, October 22, 2007
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7 comments:
Ok, great story, but here's something to think about. In the Christian world and maybe the secular world to some respect, we try to teach children to put others before ourself. In other words, to teach them to not be selfish and think of others. So how do we teach them that and teach them independence at the same time?
When my daughters would ask me to do something and I could do it, I don't want to say, "No, I watching TV right now, you can do it." Or something like that. Where do you draw the line between teaching them to be independent, being a slave to them, wearing yourself out waiting on them, finding things for them and teaching them to think of others first or putting others before ourselves?
I'm not challenging you, I'm seriously asking you, b\c I have fought with this in my mind for years.
Thanks for the thoughts............
I love that you are teaching them to be independent. I have a friend who still acts as an alarm clock for her 20 something daughter. It drives me nuts that a 20 year old young woman can't be trusted to get herself out of bed in time to go to work!
HI Greendaze44, It's a good question and one I ask myself all the time, which is what led me to write this entry. Here's my formula, if I'm already doing something for the family (which is most of the time), then I ask them to try to do it for themselves (as long as it's safe, of course).
If I'm relaxing (which, once again is very rarely when they're awake), I try to look at the big picture. If they've been asking me to do for them and it's been too much and I get the impression that they're using me to be their gofer, then I ask them to do for themselves.
If they're in the middle of a project or they've been doing for themselves on a regular basis, then I gladly help them out and fetch something for them -- which is also very often.
So, for me, it's really about seeing the big picture and trying to create some balance. Also, giving them the gift of their independence is a really wonderful gift. I feel I'm actually doing something for them by helping them to be strong, self-sufficient women.
Thanks for writing! Hope you're doing well!
I love this:
"Michael and I were in the living room. We looked at each other. Uh, what’re we gonna do here? I don’t know. What do you think? I don’t know. Sounds messy. All of which was said without opening our mouths."
That is so funny, as are her sandwich ingredients. I am impressed with the amount of control you have been able to relinquish. The V-meister is not yet allowed to make herself a sandwich, and I dread the day. It is going to be very hard for me, control freak that I am.
I really need to start implementing some of this. When my son is with his dad, he is very idependent. When he is with me, he needs me to do almost everything for him. Great post. Your daughter's sandwich sounds really good right now!
Cheetos are really good on bread. Discovered that when I was a broke college student. Seriously, really good. But not the crunchy cheetos, the cheeto puffs.
i never thought about it before, but really? you make a bread-bread-bread sandwich sound..GOOD!
ps - and HELLYEAH! the secular world too, hon.
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